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Does side matter?

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Choosing a side is usually the domain of politics, state of origin, Shake Shack orders,  and 3 people in a share house arguments, and yet…most of the not-ordering-burgers-right-at-this-minute couples I work with ask the question: “What side do I have to stand on?”

Like a lot of wedding stuff, the tradition of the bride standing on the left and the groom on the right (or bride stage right, and groom stage left if you want to get a bit jazz hands about it) made sense back in the ye olde days of yore when they came up with it, but these days it’s all a bit less…matter-y.

Y’see the lefty/righty preference came about during a time when “marriage by capture” was, like, an actual thing. The groom was positioned on the right so he could keep his right hand (aka, his sword-fighting-hand) free in cause he needed to defend his bride from some cheeky suitors who might try to straight-up-kidnap her for their own marryin’ purposes, OR so he could ‘defend’ the bride from her own family who might be trying to steal their girl back after groomy kidnapped her in the first place. Adding further to all this chaos, turns out the ‘Best Man’ was in on it too – traditionally the best man’s role was to be there as groomy’s armed and alert sidekick, the Robin to groomy’s Batman, in case one of the aforementioned scuffles broke out. That’s a lot more pressure than remembering the rings, amiright?

This newfound knowledge begs the question then, does the side you stand on even matter these days?

And the answer?

Unless you’re a swash-buckling bride-stealer….probs not.  But there are some more relevant and thoroughly modern reasons that standing on a particular side MIGHT be something to consider:

  1. Because….the FAM BAM:  No matter how many chalkboard signs you erect that say “choose a seat, not a side”, your family probably/definitely will choose both a seat AND a side. So during your ceremony you might want to stand in front of them so you can see them clearly right there in front of you – sending you all the good vibes, love, solidarity and support throughout. That’s tops. Go for it.  On the flip side, you might want to stand diagonally opposite your fam so that when you turn to face your beloved to say really nice things to them and maybe exchange some bling, you can see them over your about-to-be-spouses shoulder and they can look straight at your smiling/sobbing face. Cue cute smiles and knowing nods. This is also tops. Go for it.
  2. Because…your, like, FACE (or something):  Now I think BOTH sides, of both of you, are gorgeous, but you might have a preference for your ‘best side’ (or maybe someone lost an eyebrow in the pre-wedding shenanigans and you’d like to hide that). You two are looking A-quadruple-plus, you’ve probably found one helluva photographer, and you’ve gathered at least one person you love a lot (and possibly many more + some friends of your mum’s that you’ve never met)  to make this moment one to remember – it’s only right that you want to put your best-side forward.  This is indeed also tops. Go for it.
  3. Because…FARSHUN:  Asymmetrical hair, a bit of fancy suit or dress detailing, one particularly lary shoe or earring, granny’s heirloom ring…whatever it is that’s a total lewk-maker, bring it to the front. Getting your favourite bits n pieces on display? This is (not surprisingly) also considered tops. Go for it.
  4. Because…YOU ARE A SWASH-BUCKLER: Say no more, my friend. You know what to do. (Also I can’t wait for your wedding). TOPS I tell you. Go for it.

So that’s that. You can choose whatever you’re most comfortable with. And of course, if you so choose you can just flit around your partner like a super amped Tinkerbell switching sides, and stances, hopping around and trying to physically grab hold of everyone participating in the ceremony (I maaaay know a lot about this approach from my personal bride-ing experience). Side-swapping?! That’s tops. Go for it.

If you want to know more about wedding traditions, how to choose a side (eg: at Shake Shack – get them all), or how to make a ceremony that’s comfortable and right for YOU, then get in touch! x

Canberra Wedding Celebrant I Do Blog

You don’t have to…”say, I Do”

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Recently I teamed up with the amazing team at Oath & Stone for a bit of guest blogging action. Oath & Stone create super fun, quirky, not-samey (get-thee-out Pinterest board!), and straight up amazing wedding stationery. If you are a reflection of the company you keep, then I’m stoked to be reflectin’ their rad vibe. This blog originally appeared on the Oath & Stone site, you can check it out right HERE, or give them a good stalking on insty right about HERE.  

xx

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Sentence: “OH! I thought we HAD to do that”

Usage: A very commonly heard phrase during meetings with lovely-loved-up couples looking to create a wedding ceremony that positively REEKS of them (in a good way)

Perhaps not surprisingly to anyone who is planning wedding, anyone who has ever met anyone planning a wedding, or any clever dogs… weddings seem to come with a lot of ‘shoulddas’ and a big side of ‘because it’s always been done that way’.  BUT, while there are a few bits and pieces that have to be said in your ceremony to make it legal (about 3 to be exact) there’s also lot of bits and pieces that you DON’T HAVE to have. And that’s what we’re talking about today. Straight up, no waiting…wedding bits you can ditch (if you want*).

*Disclaimer: Don’t get me wrong, if tradition is your thing then let’s go for it and create a beautiful, classic ceremony. Your ceremony is all yours – traditional or off-the-wall quirky, classic or wild. My job is to help make sure it looks, feels and sounds like you and, of course, is legal. It really is all for the taking…which is why your friendly neighbourhood celebrant is here to guide you through your MANY options!

You don’t have to…. say ‘I Do’

Name a wedding scene from any film or TV show that DOESN’T include the celebrant/minister/pastor phrasing the question, “Do you so and so, take so-and-so to be your lawful wedded wife, to love, honour and cherish, forsaking all others until death do you part”? and I’ll show you a surprised Celebrant. But did you know you don’t have to say “I Do” during your wedding ceremony at all?

One of the coolest parts of civil ceremonies in Australia, is that your Marriage Celebrant doesn’t have ‘power vested in them’ to make you married. A celebrant is more like an authorised witness to your marriage and you get to marry EACH OTHER by exchanging legal minimum vows WITH each other.

So, if you’re feeling creative, why not consider ditching the “I Do’s” completely and writing your own personal promises that capture the kind of commitment you two are going to make to each other, or stick with the “I Do’s” but tweak them and make them personal (maybe include a few personal jokes!). What about, “Do you promise to love, support and challenge Sarah for the rest of your life, even when she tries to organise your lives with walls of post-it notes?”

You don’t have to….walk down the aisle and be ‘given away’

If you love the idea of walking down the aisle with your Dad, then GREAT – let’s do it!  But if you want to change up your big WOW entry moment, it doesn’t have to be one of you and Dad. You can be escorted by one, or both, parents, your step-parents, your grandparents, a wedding party, a whole crew of support people, no-one at all, or only your soon-to-be-spouse. What about skipping the processional altogether and arriving early to greet all your guests together with your partner? Talk about a pre-game relax vibe.  And hey, for those thinking they have to wait at the end of the aisle for your beloved…. don’t forget you can TOTALLY get involved in some serious ‘entrance’ action as well.

Once you’ve made it down the aisle, if you want a twist on the classic “Who gives this woman to be married to this man” to which the Bride’s father traditionally answers “I do”- then consider making the vibe more contemporary and inclusive by asking all your parents, or even everyone present, to give their love and support to the big ol’ marrying adventure you two are about to embark on!

You don’t have to…exchange rings

Ahhh wedding rings. Circles representing eternity, symbols of the never-ending love of the spouses, the ol’ Vena Amoris finger-to-heart vein situation, or a promise of fidelity. There’s a lot of veeeerry good symbolism happening with wedding rings and a bit of bling never goes astray on a wedding day, but (contrary to popular opinion) a wedding ring is not required to make a marriage.

So if jewellery is not your bag – maybe you’re a minimalist, maybe you can’t wear rings at work, maybe you just want to throw tradition out the window on your big day – then consider exchanging something else. Burgers? Gin? A puppy?! Nothing? Maybe the exchange of your promises to love each other for the rest of your lives, ‘til death do you part’, is enough symbolism for one day. Good to know it’s up to you though, right?    

You don’t have to…. choreograph your ceremony

You don’t choreograph the way you walk down the street with your partner (or maybe you do? In which case…we should probs be mates), or how you secretly squeeze each other’s knees under the table when someone tells a bad joke at a dinner party, or the way you wrap yourselves together on that single armchair while watching Netflix, so don’t feel compelled to choreograph your wedding ceremony like it’s the sequel to La-La Land.

Sure, a bit of ‘stand here’ and ‘hold the mic like this’ kinda thing during a rehearsal is totally fine, but the ceremony should look and feel like your REAL LIFE together, not a piece of performance art. So try to relax, hold each other’s hands like you normally would, look at each other and giggle, have a cheeky butt grab. Whatever it is that YOU TWO normally do – just do that.  The added bonus… the less you have to try to remember on the day, the more you can relax in the moment and be truly present with your number 1 person on the planet.

You don’t have to… ‘keep it together’

Put on as much water proof mascara as you need, bring a hanky, and sure…keep your knees together if you like. But whatever you do, don’t feel like you have to keep your emotions under wraps on your wedding day.

A wedding is kind of like being on a boat y’know…you’ve got to try to go with the (e)motion. Tears, cheers, laughter, high-fives (are high-fives a feeling?), snacks – whatever it is that comes out on the day…let it! Whether it’s an elopement, or the biggest party of your life, your wedding day is all about expressing how you feel, so don’t feel like you have to keep it under wraps. Expressing genuine, authentic and heartfelt responses to your partner, family and friends on one of the biggest days of your life, will ensure you have a genuine, authentic and heartfelt ceremony that is memorable for all the right reasons.
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So remember you lovely loved-up people, YOU are the masters of your wedding ceremony destiny! Not your celebrant, not your mum or your neighbours, not your childhood bestie, and definitely not that well-intentioned person selling you your wedding shoes. Fill your ceremony with stuff YOU like and that means something to you, and you can’t go wrong.

Wanna try something different on your wedding day? You should get in touch!

Photo by Nick Karvounis on Unsplash

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#weddingsquadgoals

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You know what they say… you are a reflection of the company you keep. Your mates play a freakin big role in your lives together. They might have introduced the two of you on the dance floor of a dodgy pub at uni, stolen a phone to swipe right on your significant others Tindr profile while you weren’t looking, or let you borrow an outfit for your first date; and, for better or worse, they will have their part to play in your life as married folk too – cheering you on through victories and new adventures and lending you support/a hand/ice cream/emojis when times get tough. Plus they’re really fun (just like you two!), so let’s not leave them sitting idly by counting the minutes til canapes and wine start flowing only to finally release them on the dancefloor when Daryl Braithwaite ‘Horses’ comes on…let’s get ’em really involved in your wedding day.

Wedding Quiz
I’m often heard banging on about making your ceremony personal, and including your special ‘love story’ is a great way to make the ceremony all about you. But if you don’t want me up there re-telling it, why not incorporate a bit of wedding trivia instead? We can pre-prepare questions and take a walk down memory lane by asking your guests to answer questions about you two (Where did they meet? What did Dave first think of Sophie? Where was the first place they went overseas together?), OR we can really up the ante by having your guests prepare a quick answer to some questions when they enter, before calling on them throughout the ceremony to share their responses (When did you first meet them as a couple and what were your impressions? Share a story about them as a couple? How would you describe them as a couple? What’s something about the bride/groom the groom/bride doesn’t know?)

Surprise witnesses! 
Contrary to popular opinion, your witnesses do NOT have to be part of your bridal party. In fact, you can have anyone over 18 (who has been present throughout the ceremony and who can hear and understand the legal wording that is said in the ceremony) to act as your witnesses and sign off on the marriage certificates. So why not put all the over 18’s names in a hat and draw your witnesses on the spot right before the signing? You could even go a bit Oprah and hide a special card/treat under 2 seats and whoever finds it gets the witnessin’ honour!

Group vows
As they say, it takes a village… so how about having your besties make some vows on the day as well? Marriages rely on community so having your nearest and dearest offer their love and support to you as a couple can be a great way to acknowledge the ongoing role they will play in your relationship. This can be a ‘repeat after me’ or ‘we do’ style vow – “Do you all promise to love and support these two in marriage, participate in their fortnightly themed dinner parties, and head to Splendour in the Grass with them every year til their old and wrinkly?” to which your crowd responds, “We DO!”. It can be a simple pledge to tear up the dancefloor at the reception or just a cheer or round of applause from all the guests in attendance to show how psyched they are to be sharing in the day with you. Group vows can come at the beginning of the ceremony to create a light, joyful, inclusive tone or closer to the vows to have your community show their support for you as a couple.

Ditch the readings and go rogue with some ‘in-ceremony-speeches’
Not really the ‘reading’ types? Then you should definitely considering ditching the readings and focusing on injecting more of the stuff you like into the ceremony. Like your mates. Like your mates who were there for an important part of your relationship, or ones who have supported you through tough times, or ones who are great at talking on microphones. Invite one or some chosen ones to share some of their own lovely words during the ceremony – anything from words of wisdom about marriage to why they think you both are just the best match ever, or maybe someone has the inside scoop on a pivotal moment in your relationship and can tell everyone what REALLY happened.

Get serenaded
Got a favourite song and some musical mates? Or a favourite song and no musical mates? Let’s get a little bit Love Actually up in here and involve your guests in a sing-a-long. A group song can work beautifully at any point of your ceremony but is particularly excellent during the signing or as you walk back down the aisle/exit the ceremony. Pick a song you love that everyone is familiar with and let them know before the day so they can get their heads around the lyrics, hand out lyric booklets for them to sing a long, OR let us surprise you! There’s nothing like a group sing-along to set the tone for a party, to get everyone laughing and break the ice, PLUS you get to be serenaded by ALL the loves of your life!

For more ideas on how to include your favourite people on the planet in your awesome wedding ceremony – get in touch HERE.

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Got Expo?

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Canberra couple?  Getting married?  Need a celebrant?  Wanna meet one in a large, warehouse style space among many other wedding suppliers?  You are in luck gorgeous thangs!

It’s that time of year again where me and my wares (jokes, I don’t have any wares. My wares are just myself) are gonna be on exhibit (in a non sleazy way despite what this sentence sounds like) at the Canberra Bridal Expo at EPIC on Sunday 27 August.

And y’know what else is great? If you book your tix online, they’re FREE.  FREE STUFF is pretty much unheard of when you’re planning a wedding.  I strongly recommend taking advantage of that sweet sweet offer and coming to say hello!

I’ll be hanging in the marketplace from 10am – 3pm meeting loved up peeps, chatting about how to create sensational, personal, fun ceremonies and likely trying to engage anyone who walks past in a lengthy chat about The Bachelor and Survivor (sorry).

Get your tickets from Your Local Wedding Guide right HERE.

If you can’t be bothered coming (it’s fine, I totally get it) then contact me HERE.

See you there, lovers! xx

Canberra Marriage Celebrant Blog - Ceremony Fun Personal You

The best part of your day, on the best day of your life

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Guess what?

This celebrant thinks your ceremony is the MOST IMPORTANT part of your wedding.

Bet you didn’t see THAT one coming!

But seriously… it’s the moment you get to publicly declare that the two of you are officially, and forever, an ‘US’. It’s the time you exchange vows that will make you married. It’s when you get to holler from the rooftops that you have found your favourite person on the planet,  and that you and your favourite are going to be a team forever.

It’s important stuff.  And that’s why it’s so important to make sure that your ceremony is truly reflective of who the two of you are, what you value, and what marriage means to YOU.  Because you two will be creating your marriage from scratch every day, from wedding-day to eternity.

So like the quote says – do it with your own sense of  style, your own sense of humour, and your very own brand of grace. That’s it. No other rules.

Do you want a ceremony that is the best part of your day? One that has your ‘you-ness’ all over it?  I totally know a celebrant who can help make that happen…get in touch with her HERE.

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Soz…but you can’t have a quickie wedding

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via GIPHY

When it comes to our understanding of love, weddings and marriage, TV and movies have a LOT to answer for.  Like, 1) your wedding will not be unexpectedly interrupted by the person who’s actually right for you when the celebrant asks if anyone would like to speak out against said marriage (WHY would anyone ask this question at a wedding?!);  2) you will probably never be part of a last-minute chase scene where your life-long-platonic-best-friend, your formerly-entirely-emotionally-unavailable-ex-partner, or your sperm donor, races to the airport to declare their undying love for you and stop you chasing your life long dream of living in France/taking that awesome promotion in NYC/volunteering with UNHCR in Mali; and 3) your chances of ending up with the escort/prostitute/stripper/porn star you hired to pretend to be your date at a wedding or party are slim. Very slim.

But for this blog, imma focus on just one little tid-bit of marryin’ business that varies wildly between American TV and life here down-under. Today’s lesson: in Australia, you cannot have a quickie wedding. I hate to be a buzz kill, but there’s no way you can run away to a chapel on a whim, no chance of having a big night out with an ex and accidentally gettin’ hitched, no running away under the cover of night to seal the deal before your disapproving parents can find you and put a stop to it…. and it’s all because of a little document called the Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM).

The NOIM is the number 1 thing you need to get the legal ball rolling on your marriage.  It’s a legal document that you provide to your celebrant as evidence of (you can probably figure this one out) your intention to get married. It sets out lots of identifying information about the ‘parties’ to the marriage (thats you two) and details of the wedding plans as well (time, date and place).  And the key part is…you have to get it to your celebrant no sooner than 18 months before your wedding date and NO LATER THAN ONE MONTH BEFORE YOUR WEDDING if you want your marriage to be legal.

So that means…

  • you and your partner have to have decided that you wanted to get married more than a month before your wedding date,
  • you have to have chosen your celebrant and agreed to their terms of service more than a month before you can get married, and
  • you have to have completed, signed (and have witnessed) the NOIM, and have that NOIM in your celebrant’s hot little hands….you guessed it….1 month before your wedding.

This is the ultimate deadline to keep in mind when planning your day because if the NOIM isn’t done on time, you won’t be getting legally married – the same rules apply whether your wedding is the biggest party of your life, or a ‘registry-office’ style elopement. That’s all there is to it really. There are super limited circumstances where you can request a shortening of time, but such situations are rare and shortening requests have to be formally applied for and granted.  Unfortunately the old, “I forgot to book a celebrant” excuse; the, “we just really want to get it over with, y’know” approach;  the, “I drank toooooooo many bubbles and I wanna get married toniiiiiiiiiiiiight!” romantic-vibe; or the classic, “but what about Ross and Rachel??”, really won’t cut it.

SO, if you’re getting married and want to book a celebrant and make sure you get your NOIM lodged in time, chat about how to complete the NOIM, discuss shortening of times or the other requirements for a legal marriage, or just talk about Friends and trashy rom-coms a little more – then contact me HERE! 

For pretty pictures on all kinds of celebrant things, love, marriage, and weddings (and the occassional shot of my coffee and where i’m drinking it), check out my Insty and Facey.

xx

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Tunes for days

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A celebrant sure ain’t a DJ… but a celebrant still knows that music can be used to set the tone for your wedding, and maybe even tell a little bit of your story.

If you’re looking for some fresh musical inspiration for you to swag down the aisle, a playlist for getting-ready with your besties, a little ditty to carve up the dance floor to in your first dance as married people, or maybe just some of the loveliest tunes on the planet to help you breeze through Monday at your desk – then I’m here to help!

While your wedding song choices will be a personal thing for the two of you, I’m boldly daring to give you my two cents and share some of my fav not-overdone, not-boring, not cliche, tunes for getting married (well…mostly. Some classics are just too hard to ignore).

Let me know YOUR favourites to add to the list! xx

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Do we HAVE to do that at our wedding?

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One of the trickiest things for couples planning a personal, unique and very THEM wedding ceremony, is knowing what ‘wedding bits’ you have to have in your ceremony to get legally, officially, for reals, married; what bits you can ditch; and exactly how rogue you can go when creating a ceremony that is totally your style.

Today’s blog outlines the things that must be said during your ceremony to make a legal marriage so that we can get on to the fun bits – like creating a wedding ceremony full of stuff the two of you really like and talking about our dogs. The great news is, as long as you have the three must-haves in your ceremony, the rest is TOTALLY UP TO YOU… you can strap on a pair of tap shoes and retell the first 6 seasons of Game Of Thrones using interpretive dance if that’s your vibe.

(Just a note before we get started. There are some other legal requirements for you to get married in terms of paperwork, documentation and witnesses, but we’ll talk about them in a later post (cause there ain’t no party like a paperwork party, right?!))

So here it is…the ‘must haves’ for your marriage ceremony:

1) Full names: You’re each going to have to say your full name at least once. No ‘babes’, footy team nicknames or instagram handles allowed in this part and sorry, but even if you hate your middle name and have kept it hidden it from your friends your whole life, it’s got to be said.

2) The Monitum: I’m legally required to say something called “The Monitum” (which is Latin for “Warning”) from the Marriage Act. It goes like this: “My name is Shannon O’Heir and I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter. Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.”

The law requires that I say the Monitum verbatim. Depending on your own personal views on marriage equality, you may like to include a statement that acknowledges how your beliefs differ from the Australian Governments position – that’s great and I’d love to help you express that sentiment, but we can’t ditch the Monitum completely. There’s just no getting around it I’m afraid.

3) Legal Vows: You each have to exchange these succinct, official and rather serious, vows (again, the wording of the legal vows must be said verbatim)

‘I call upon the people here present to witness that I, (A), take you, (B) to be my lawful wedded wife/husband.’

This is a good spot to include your full names as above at (1). You can choose to repeat the vows after me, read from a script, memorise them or sing them to your partner. You can add your own hilarious, romantic, quirky, silly, deep, personal vows before or after the legal vows, exchange rings, or swap favourite quotes from Bob Burgers…but the wording above is the MUST HAVE.

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That’s it. That’s the whole box and dice.

Do you HAVE to write your own vows? Nope, but it’s the BEST so do consider it! We’ll talk more about vows later.

Do you HAVE to say “I Do”? You can if you want, but otherwise – nup. Not required.

Do you HAVE to give each other rings? Only if you want to. You can also give each other burgers, or gin, or nothing

Do you HAVE to walk down an aisle and be “given away”? Not even a little bit.

CAN you have a dance break mid-ceremony? ABSOLUTELY, I’LL DJ!

Remember – your ceremony is yours, my job is to help make sure it looks, feels and sounds like you (and of course, is legal). Other than the MUST HAVES, it’s all yours to do with what you will, and I’ll be here every step of the way to help you design a ceremony that you think is the bloody best.

If you have any questions about the legal requirements for getting married, or want to start crafting a ceremony that is all about you two, then i’d loooooove to hear from you. You can get in touch with me HERE.

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You’re Gettin’ Hitched!

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Hurrah!   Well done you crazy-in-love kids, and thanks for popping by to check out my celebrant skills!

I think that getting married is one of the bravest, coolest and most awesome things that people in love can do, so it gives me HUGE joy to work with fab couples in Canberra, the Southern Highlands and South Coast (and beyond!) to create weddings and marriage and commitment ceremonies that are more than a run of the mill pit-stop on the way to the reception. I want you to have a ceremony that’s as unique as the two of you are – big or small, traditional or off-the-wall quirky.  A ceremony that is the best part of the day, on a day that will be the best of your lives!

Your ceremony is yours, my job is to help make sure it looks, feels and sounds like you (and of course, is legal where required!). Other than the MUST HAVES which I’ll discuss in a later blog post, it’s totally up to you.

Hurrah! You are the master of your wedding ceremony destiny!  Eeeep there are so many choices! You don’t know where to begin! You don’t want any of this! You want it all!

Rest assured…I’m here to help. I’ll work with you closely to design a ceremony that is filled with stuff that you actually like and that means something to you.  I’ll help you work out which wedding traditions you love and want to keep, and which to ditch cause they just aren’t your style. Most importantly, once we’ve got a plan…I’ll write your ceremony from scratch so that it’s fresh and new and all about you two! No boring, cliche, passé or ‘seen/heard it before’ weddings on my watch.

Sound good? Great! Get in touch with me HERE and let’s get started making your ceremony one to remember!